The end of an era

This evening was bitter-sweet for me. Tonight was our last Youth Group meeting for the season and we are saying goodbye to several members who have been part of the group for a bunch of years now.

From my perspective, it has been wonderful to watch as the Lord has worked in their lives over the years, building their faith and developing their knowledge of His Word. Now, our graduates are leaving in the Fall to attend different Bible Colleges here in Pennsylvania.

I just want to say thank you to each of you for being a very bright spot in my life and ministry. Each of you, in one way or another, have been a source of encouragement to Andrea and I and we are thrilled with the direction your lives are going in.

I know we will still see you guys around, but I want you to know just how much you'll be missed when we resume again in the Fall. We knew this day would come, but in many ways it feels like it came too quickly.

God bless you.

Today's highlight

I thought I would share with you the highlight of my day. Today as I scanned the shelves of my local Barnes & Noble, I noticed a particular book on the shelf. Our Barnes & Noble is now selling copies of my book "Words that Sting" in their "Christian Inspiration" section. I had to take a picture with my phone and post it here. Sorry that the picture is a little blurry, but such is the pixel rate of a camera phone.

(Notice: there were three copies of the book available. Two are shelved just to the right of the one I took the picture of. The sticker on the book says "autographed copy").

What's in a signature?

I knew a girl in college who did handwriting analysis. She was convinced that she could tell a lot about your personality by how you signed your name. Here are my signatures. Enlighten me.

Skittles

I just jipped a bag of Skittles from my kids and I'm downing it one handful at a time.

Your job is simple. Guess how many Skittles I have in my mouth right now as I type this entry. Winner (winners) will be mailed a bag of Skittles, compliments of Stump the Pastor.

I will post the answer in the comment area shortly.

Groundhog....it's on!

For the past year or so, a groundhog has been invading the property of the Pocono Mountain Bible Conference. While fixing the tractor the other day, I came face to face with this hole digging beast. If I owned a gun, it would have been put to use.

I saw the animal in the grass near the pool. I noticed that it ducked down and tried to hide from me, but I yelled at my nemesis "I can still see you." No movement, so I took a small branch and threw it in its direction. To my complete surprise, the little monster literally came charging directly at me, ready to fight. Being unarmed, I was forced to rely on my keen understanding of nature and the defensive habits of rodents.

I immediately bent forward in an aggressive stance as if I could spring at any moment. I held my hands in front of me ready to grab the groundhog and snap it in half. It immediately froze and we literally stared each other down for several minutes. I had myself all geared up to fight this ravenous animal with my bare hands if need be (I'm not kidding).

Once I sensed this standoff had gone on long enough, I slowly stood upright. At that point the groundhog slinked away, then ran when it was a safe distance from me. At that point I grabbed a bow and arrow set from the shed and began searching for the creature, but he deftly hid himself.

In the odd chance that this beast reads my blog, I have a few more words for him. "I'm on to you hog...and when I find you again, I'll be prepared. Enjoy your hole digging for now cause when we next meet, the party's over. Groundhog.....it's on! Your pelt will make a nice case for my ipod."

Yoda

I saw the new Star Wars late last night. If you're into the movies, you'll definitely enjoy it. Much better than the other prequels and it answers a lot of questions that fans of the original three movies have had for a long time.

But I have one more question that still remains unanswered. If Yoda has the ability to fly through the air and wield a light-saber while doing a backflip off a wall, why does he find it necessary to use a cane when he walks.

Confusing, it is.

Irony

I like to start my day with two English muffins and a bowl full of irony. I thought I would share with you this morning's ironic moment.

I like to listen to talk radio when I'm getting ready for the day. During a break, a commercial was aired for a product that is guaranteed to improve poor eyesight. They reminded us that our eyesight tends to deteriorate further and further over time, but this product could help improve terrible vision.

To learn more about the product before purchasing it, they offered a free video.

I found that ironic.

America's worst president

Thank you to those of you who gave me a suggested topic for today. The trip to Maryland was enjoyable, but it's also nice to be back. And yes, Lindsay, it was nice to see you there too.

I spend a lot of time reading about the leadership abilities of American Presidents. Some stand out as more effective than others. Good presidents have moral conviction and are willing to risk their political standing and popularity to make good decisions. Poor presidents remain more focused on their public approval, fail to act on conviction and are thus viewed poorly through the lens of history.

I bought a book the other day called "Presidential Leadership, rating the best and the worst in the White House," by James Taranto. Basically, Mr. Taranto gathered together a large group that was ideologically balanced (ie, equal numbers of conservative, liberal and spineless....I mean moderate) professors and writers.

The presidents were rated on a 5-point scale. 5 being "Great" and 1 being "Failure." Only three presidents were rated "Great," Washington, Lincoln and FDR. But the worst rated president, unfortunately, is the only American President to hail from my home state of Pennsylvania. President James Buchanan has been given the distinction of being labeled the worst president in American history.

Buchanan served right before Lincoln and commented to him, "My dear sir, if you are as happy on entering the White House as I am on leaving, you are a very happy man indeed." Buchanan's leadership style is partly to blame for the onset of the Civil War. Even though he was personally opposed to slavery, he would appease slave holding states in the hopes that they would stay calm until he was out of office. That didn't work. Seven states seceded from the Union before his term was up because he felt he couldn't do anything to stop it.

Buchanan died about 7 years after leaving the presidency. According to the book, "He was blamed for the Civil War. Vandals kept defacing his portrait in the U.S. Capitol, requiring it to be removed for safekeeping. Posters calling him 'Judas' were plastered on walls."

I hope that Buchanan holds this title of "worst president ever" for a very long time. I would hate to think that our future holds in store a chief executive worse than him (although we have come close a few times). Thankfully, he has no descendants who may read this and get mad at me.

Next topic please

Tomorrow, I leave for our annual, week-long, denominational conference. Strangely, I'm actually looking forward to it. Why am I telling this to you? Well, I thought you should know that this page won't be updated until next week when I return.

In the meantime, I have a project for you. I would like you to submit the topic that you would like the next entry on "Stump the Pastor" to be about. When I return, I will pick one topic from the suggestions and then give you the straight scoop.

One more thing.....don't lame out on me. If I get back from being gone all that time and see only one suggestion waiting for me, I'm turning the car back around and heading to Maryland for another week.

Air guitar

When I was a kid, listening to all my favorite heavy metal bands, I became quite good at pretending to play the guitar. Unfortunately, I caved in and traded my fake guitar in on a real one. As I learned to play the real thing, my air guitar skills quickly faded away. If only I had stuck with it, maybe I could have become the national champion.

Below is an excerpt from a news release I just read.

Dozens of countries now have national [air guitar] championships but Oulu, Finland has been the world capital of air guitar since it first staged the world championships in 1996. The small city on the Finnish coast will again host the event in August in the name of promoting world peace. You can't shoot a gun while playing air guitar, the official website points out.

Just think, I could have saved the world.

Press Release: For Immediate Distribution

Having experienced great alarm over the rising cost of "fishy crackers," several Stange children have decided to go on a month long hunger strike. In protest, both Hannah and Jay decided to climb to the roof of their house and "wait out" Pepperidge Farms until the cost of one of their favorite snacks is lessened.

When commenting on the matter, Hannah stated, "Their prices are ridiculous. This is preposterous. It makes my feelings hurt." Jay backed her up by stating, "Daddy, I'm taller than you when I'm up here."

Pressed for comment on the matter, Pepperidge Farms has declined to make a statement at this time, referring all further inquiries to their legal staff.

More will be posted in coming days as this story develops.

Faith & food commercials

Frequently when I watch TV, I get hungry. Most advertisers keenly sense this and thus barrage my senses with food commercials that tempt me to drive to Denny's or IHOP in the middle of the night.

Nothing good has ever come from one of these commercials, until the other night. While watching a food commercial, I received a spiritual insight. A particular breakfast restaurant, possibly Denny's, posted a disclaimer at the bottom of the screen that warned the viewer "this product contains bacon."

How odd. I could understand the inclusion of a disclaimer if the food contained peanuts or some other known allergen, but bacon? Maybe I'm behind the times or living in a cave, but I have never heard of a bacon allergy. And even if there was such an allergy, the taste of bacon would still be worth the risk of hives or suffocation.

So why was this disclaimer included? In all seriousness, my best guess was that the restaurant didn't want to encourage conflict with Muslim patrons who aren't allowed to come in contact with food products that come from a pig.

Then I thought it would be a good idea for Wendy's to begin warning Hindu patrons that their burgers contained "beef" to avoid contact with the forbidden meat of their religion.

As I thought about the matter further, it reminded me once again of how glad I am to be a Christian who knows that it isn't what foods we do or don't eat that earn us the favor of God. Rather, it's all about trusting in Jesus Christ. It's only through faith in Him (not our diets) that our iniquity is washed away and we are made right with God.

This message was brought to you by Denny's new Breakfast Bowls. *(Warning, this blog contains bacon.)

Can-opener conspiracy

Picture this moment in time. It's 1:30am, late on a Thursday night (or early Friday morning depending on your perspective). I have been living on cereal and peanut butter for nearly a week. My family, including my live-in chef/wife is still hours away in Pittsburgh and I'm hungry. I begin scouring the cupboards for anything edible. My eyes fix on a bright can of mini-raviolis. It's settled.....I will eat the ravioli and savor the taste of each processed pasta square.

I take the can and set it on the counter, then search through the utensil drawer for the can-opener. Having located it, I place it on the can and begin turning it. Nothing happens. "What is this thing?" I ask myself. Then I remember,....it's one of those new, weird, "safe" can-openers that is meant to open the can without leaving any sharp edges.

I try again, determined to eat. Instead of opening the can, this new can-opener only bends the rim. Undeterred, I try once more. Another bend. Frustrated, I prepare to give up. Yet I am very hungry so I re-focus and make two more attempts, each time bending the top of the can further. Now the can looks like a tidal wave of tin, but it is not opening.

At this point, realizing that I was using a tool that only women can operate, I went to the closet and gathered some "manly" tools. With a set of pliers, I began pulling on the top of the can in the attempt to pry it off. It began separating and the vacuum seal broke, but the lid still would not come off. Then I tore into the can again, forming a small slice in the top.

Making some progress, I traded tools for the smaller, sharper tinsnip. I snipped a larger slice in the top of the can, then pried it back with the pliers. I followed this routine several times in a row until I had fashioned an opening just large enough for the esteemed raviolis to fall out.

In the end, this is what was left of the can.

Further evidence that the only time I belong in the kitchen is when my wife beckons me to consume the dinner SHE has prepared. (Tune in tomorrow for a brief observation I would like to make about religion and food commercials.)

On another note, today was our 7th Anniversary. Can-openers have changed a lot in that time.