True stories from childhood - Vol. 2 "The doghouse"

For some time when my sisters and I were little, my mother used to take us to her friend's house when we needed to be babysat. I'll call her friend, Mrs. Crabbypants (you may call her "Devil in a house coat").

Mrs. Crabbypants was the world's worst babysitter. She loved my baby-sister, Stephanie, but hated Tami and I because we were older. All day long she would sit and watch soap operas while feeding Stephanie all the best snacks she had in her house. While she did that, Tami and I were required to sit in her parlor and stare at her fish tank.

Right around this time the "Clapper" was invented. I'm sure you remember the concept. If you clapped, your lights would turn on or off. Being that I was bored out of my mind and barely permitted to move from the couch, I managed to discover that if you belched, it also turned the lights on and off. I belched and belched and belched all day long, always pretending it was an accident. I especially loved when she hooked the Clapper to the TV cord. "Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our.........belch!" TV off.

Over time, I grew so tired of having to sit in her parlor staring at that tank. When the weather was warm, we were finally allowed to play for a half-hour in her back yard. We savored that half-hour and hated when we had to go back inside. Mrs. Crabbypants was cruel.

One day, I devised a plan. When the half-hour was just about over, I would hide in the doghouse in her back yard. Now that I think about it, that's pretty gross, but it was no dirtier than her parlor, so I survived.

Mrs. Crabbypants called us inside and Tami went in. "Where's your brother?" she asked. Tami didn't see what I had done or where I went, so she told her she didn't know. Mrs. Crabbypants didn't believe her and began calling my name. I waited a while and didn't answer. She kept calling. Eventually, she gave up. I remember thinking that she seemed concerned, but not terribly panicky. (Truth be told, she was probably glad that she couldn't find me).

Eventually, I emerged from the doghouse and turned myself in. Mrs. Crabbypants didn't watch us much after that.